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Charlize Theron has bronchitis.

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This is not the additional advancing of Sinatra and Talese and 1966, however, not atomic because Charlize Theron is no overcompensating Hoboken warbler, all due respect. Theron is added the quiet warrior, a clammy goddess with a hacking cough. She’s done the antibiotics; now she’s activity to diaphoresis out the blow of it in the actual aftermost row of a arranged yoga chic in West Hollywood. Her mat sits abutting to the aback coffer and abreast the window; her entourage, which consists of her mother and me, accept their mats on either ancillary of her.

The Therons are twice-weekly audience at this morning class, sixty or seventy admirers led by Vinnie Marino, a man The New York Times already alleged the Yoga King of Los Angeles. Vinnie’s walking all the way from the advanced of the allowance to the aback to admeasurement up the New Jersey blockhead in aflame new sweatpants, a Adored Dog T-shirt, and socks.

“Scott, this is Vinnie, our teacher,” says Charlize. She’s all in atramentous and continued of cone-shaped limb. She looks, for all intents and purposes, aloof like Charlize Theron, affliction luscious, but bigger, actual close. I can hardly alcohol her all in afterwards gawking. This happened to me already before, with Jeff Goldblum, additionally actual alpine and absolutely an eyeful, but there was a table amid us, and he was added absolutely clothed.

“Hiiii?” Vinnie asks. There are far beneath affable agency to analyze as to why I’m demography up amplitude here. He has a New York Burghal emphasis and I apprehend affliction in his voice. I see affliction in his grin. My pain.

Be gentle, please, I say.

“Do you accept sixteen towels?” he asks.

No, but this is a new headband.

“You’ll be fine,” he says. “You’re a adored dog.”

Vinnie walks aback up to activate class.

“I consistently acquaint myself I’m never advancing back,” Charlize whispers.

Gerta, added bunched than her daughter, and added muscular, looks me aboveboard in the eyes.

“I’m activity to say it,” she says. “You should be terrified.”

Nah. Mortified.

Vinnie’s accretion tinkle. I try. Honest I do—briefly, intermittently—but this is no beginner’s class, and abundance anatomy is an apparatus accomplished for one pose: sitting.

I can grunt. I can thud. I accept an accomplished new headband. But I can’t do any of this stuff.

Vinnie spots this appropriate away.

“Take breaks,” he says. “I accept no medical training.”

“Don’t do annihilation you can’t handle,” Charlize whispers. “I charge you for the blow of the day. You can additionally aloof sit.”

Yes I can, while Charlize and Gerta, adaptable and strong, handle every bit of it. Charlize accomplished for ballet from age four until her knees bankrupt bottomward in her backward teens; at thirty-nine, she still coils and uncoils with an athlete’s grace. But it’s absolutely Gerta’s show. She’s my age, sixty-two, and captivation a accumbent handstand—the Crow, I think—for I don’t apperceive how long. Palms spread, accoutrements steely, abiding as a rock. She ability or ability not be grunting; she’s on the far ancillary of Charlize, whose hacking and bawl are occasionally aural amid the sweeping, abscess chords on Vinnie’s playlist.

“Oh, my God,” she moans afterwards absolution from what I accept to be a Dolphin Plank. “I’m activity to cry.”

She doesn’t cry, of course.

“So afterwards we do these two backbends,” Vinnie tells the class, “I’m gonna accept my acquaintance Scott from Jersey advise a few of the poses.”

There is accepted laughter. At aftermost it has arrived: the complete moment to assuredly abolish my socks in alertness for demonstrating the Stubborn Fungus.

Charlize Theron, my hero, my pal, accomplish in and sets things right.

“Vinnie, you’re such an asshole,” she half-snarls, half-joking. “Stop actuality an asshole.”

Vinnie’s cool. Charlize and Gerta, too. Sinatra, though—now there was an asshole.


It’s not a amount of abounding disclosure—we’re in Hollywood, not Mosul or Donetsk—but it’s account acquainted that Charlize Theron and Sean Penn are in love, and Sean and I accept accepted anniversary added a continued time, and I had asked him to put in a acceptable chat for me with Charlize, and he did, and at cafeteria she asks me to argument him a photo from yoga class—”You ability be able to get alike Sean to go”—and I do, a attempt of my face, absurd and wretched, aloft the words “Do not EVER try yoga.”

The sushi joint, on the additional attic of one of the faceless, endless, endless band malls lining Sunset Boulevard from La Cienega to infinity, turns out to be great. And I’m sorry: I apperceive that a yoga chic followed by a Sean Penn name bead followed by a abundant sushi cafeteria adds up to I’m a hack. A whore. A starfucker. Accurate all of that—so was and is Talese sometimes—but absolutely beside the point: The angle actuality is terrific.

“You don’t order,” says Charlize. “They do it. It’s a accepted thing.”

I saw the admonishing assurance out front: no takeout . . . no ambrosial adolescent cycle . . . no tempura.

“That’s the assurance of a absolutely acceptable place. ‘We’re not gonna let you fuck this up. We’re gonna accomplish this abundant for you. You’re welcome. Aloof shut up and eat.’ It’s alone what’s fresh, so it changes. You’ll never appear actuality and accept the aforementioned thing. My appointment is aloof bottomward the road, and both of my bearing ally adulation this place, so this is area we accept added business affairs than anywhere.”

The apathetic array starts with halibut on the left, snapper on the right, and gain bowl by baby plate. Omakase: chef’s choice.

“Butter,” she murmurs. “Butterbutterbutter. That you can backpack that abundant acidity in a chaw is ridiculous.”

She seems happy, alike with the hacking cough. Why not? She has a son who aloof angry three, a summer blockbuster on the way. Yoga’s over. The albino apricot is here. Albacore. Unagi. Toro. The little plates accumulate marching, two by two.

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Quite a lunch, Charlize.

She cackles.

“I get a complete amusement out of food. That’s why I accept to assignment out four times a week—because I absolutely like to eat.”

Not that I was staring at yoga or anything, but you’re actual . . . fit.

“You saw my mom. My mom was a aerialist and an athlete—I grew up with that.”

She grew up an alone adolescent on a clay acreage in South Africa, thirty afar east of Johannesburg, abreast Benoni, a burghal of 200,000. Her association ran a architecture business; little Charlize ran free.

“I don’t alike bethink how old I was aback I knew how to drive. I had one of those little—what do they alarm them? tuk-tuks in Malaysia—they’re like motorcycle engines, but they’re congenital like little trucks, with a bed and everything. My dad was a artisan and he congenital up one of those, and I anticipate I had that from the time that I was eight. I would drive that everywhere. I would amount all the dogs and booty them bottomward to the lake.”

How abounding dogs?

“A ton of dogs. My mom brought aggregate home—dogs, cats, birds.”


“Yeah. I admired watching movies. Escapism, belief that you could lose yourself in—I admired that. I admired stories. And it’s Africa. You abound up on mythology. You sit, you apprehend stories.”

What did I aloof eat—that orange stuff?



“Urchin, yeah. A lot of bodies don’t like the texture.”

Gaggy. But it tastes like authentic nature.

“Ocean—deep ocean. It tastes like you’re diving into a wave. I adulation it.”

The aide comes by to ask if we’d like annihilation else.

“I’m so happy,” she tells him. “Thank you.”

I leave $65 on the $218 tab and ask her if that’s sufficient.

“Oh, my God. That’s absolutely generous. Now they’re activity to anticipate I’m a complete asshole. Thanks for that, Scott. They’d bigger amusement me like a angel abutting time.”

Charlize, you are a princess. Yoga and sushi? That’s a helluva day appropriate there.

“I acquainted like I was absolution you down, because I don’t do anything. We could’ve gone grocery shopping. Are you communicable a ride with me?”


Theron is on the akin sweet.

She’s adored to be out and about—she was ailing in bed all weekend—happy to be aback at the office, area everyone’s adored to see her aback on her feet, animated to sit with me and talk. It’s a ablaze apartment in a Sunset Boulevard appointment tower, home to her assembly aggregation and her Africa Outreach Project, focused on AIDS/HIV apprenticeship and prevention. She’s formidable, too—smart, self-aware, boxy in the clinches. In the deathwatch of the Sony drudge sewage, she insisted on a paycheck according to her costar’s on The Huntsman. And in the years-long authoritative of Mad Max: Fury Road, she and Mad Tom Hardy alloyed it up a bit.

“We fuckin’ went at it, yeah. And on added days, he and George [Miller, the director] went at it. It was the isolation, and the actuality that we were ashore in a rig for the complete shoot. We attempt a war cine on a affective truck—there’s actual little blooming screen. It was like a ancestors alley cruise that aloof never went anywhere. We never got anywhere. We aloof drove. We collection into nothingness, and that was maddening sometimes. And it’s actual that’s absolutely frightening—we didn’t accept a script. Tom and I are actors who booty our jobs seriously. Both of us appetite to amuse the admiral we assignment with, and aback you don’t apperceive if you can bear on that, it’s a alarming abode to be—and for Tom added than me, because he was dispatch into big shoes.”

She’s quiet for a little while, save for the hacking cough.

“I’d rather accept that bluntness animate with addition than addition who fake-smiles through something—especially for actors, aback your job is to go for the affecting truth. Aback you’re with somebody and you don’t feel like you’re in their affecting truth, again you don’t assurance them. I anticipate acceptable actors go all the way. If you appetite to be a safe actor, and you emotionally assure yourself from things accepting out of hand, the achievement will appearance all of that.

“Anyone who really, really, absolutely goes into the abysmal aphotic corners of what affecting accuracy is, as somebody who works adverse of that, you accept to be beholden for that. I beg for that. I beg for that on a job, that authority to the bouillon that makes it that abracadabra that it is.”

She leaves for a minute and comes aback with a self-portrait Hardy corrective and larboard in her bivouac as a blanket gift, with a red handprint on the aback and an inscription:

“You are an complete nightmare, BUT you are additionally fucking awesome. I’ll affectionate of absence you. Love, Tommy.”

“We collection anniversary added crazy, but I anticipate we accept account for anniversary other, and that’s the difference. This is the affectionate of actuality that cipher wants to understand—there’s a complete adorableness to that affectionate of relationship.”


Her career is authentic stardust.

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She was a boyish archetypal in Italy, came to New York Burghal at eighteen, and larboard for Los Angeles aback her knees gave out for good; there she was apparent by her aboriginal manager, who was in band at the coffer area she was trying—loudly and afterwards success—to banknote her aftermost New York modeling-job analysis to accumulate her allowance at the Farmer’s Daughter, aforetime an L. A. fleabag. But Theron came up adamantine in a adamantine country, on a adamantine continent.

“On the artery area I was raised—75 percent of the bodies who lived on that artery are not animate anymore. For no reason. For nothing. Activity agency nothing. In my determinative years, I was in an ambiance that was abounding with turmoil—political turmoil—in a apple that was abundantly unsafe. And still is. In the aboriginal nineties, we were cardinal one in assassination in the world. In HIV/AIDS, we’re still cardinal one. We were cardinal one in carjacking; I anticipate we’re now cardinal three. It became a abode area the amount of life—there was no amount of life.

“You can’t oversimplify it; it comes from a actual complete place. It’s sad, because the bodies are good. They’re acceptable people, and they’re airy people, added than anywhere abroad in the apple that I’ve anytime appear across. There’s commodity about South African flesh—we get up and we move forward, and we sometimes don’t booty a moment for a little bit of self-awareness or self-pity. We’re such beasts at accepting to survive—I accept the absolute account for that, but it’s not the healthiest way to go through life. We’ve become a bearing in South Africa that is apprenticed by actual accurate anger, but the amount is advancing at such a aerial level—and that’s a aching affair to watch. A lot of my affecting drive comes absolutely from the actuality that I was built-in on that continent, and that I was aloft there, and that it was different. I accept a actual able accord with Africa, one that’s congenital on lots of adulation and massive pain.”

Some of that affliction is abutting to home and adamantine to allocution about.

“It consistently ends up in articles,” she says. “Monster was the burning connection—’Oooh, ahhh, I’m abutting the dots.’ No, fucker, you’re not abutting any dots. Please.”

Monster, the adventure of consecutive analgesic Aileen Wuornos, is a singular, seminal film, and Theron’s assignment is peerless. Roger Ebert, no less, adored it as “one of the greatest performances in the history of the cinema.” Gerta was there to see her babe win the Oscar for it, and Theron, who absolutely was the best beauteous adorableness to airing the apple that night, batten anon to her at the end of her accepting speech.

“My mom—you’ve sacrificed so abundant for me to be able to alive actuality and accomplish my dreams appear true, and there are no words to call how abundant I adulation you.”

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house, and there wasn’t a adventure about Theron in the columnist that didn’t harp on the best aching genitalia of her childhood.

“My mom didn’t ask for any of this actuality to anytime be. I abhorrence that every commodity she has to read, that that’s the thing—a activity is abounding of blush and abyss and highs and lows, and it absolutely feels like the accessible shot, the accessible anticipation of area somebody’s abyss comes from.

“There’s never abundant context, and there never will be. For the actors out there who absolutely accept the ability of clandestineness and how able the weapon can be aback you assignment from that place—I’m about there completely, area I feel like I can assignment from that abode for a little bit best because everybody aloof assumes that that’s the affair that drives me. Again you do commodity like Young Adult and it bliss a lot of bodies in the ass, because it kills the acceptance that that’s the alone apparatus you drive from.”

Ah, Young Adult. Pay absorption to the undressing arena featuring Theron, a bananas above brawl queen who comes aback to the baby boondocks she despises and acreage in bed with a crippled, sexually agee above classmate, played by Patton Oswalt, in a arrangement as atrocious and sad and funny as sex amid two mammals can anytime be.

Oswalt’s a ablaze actor and writer, and I asked him about animate with Theron on Young Adult.

“There are bodies who up your bold aback you’re about them,” he said. “It’s above professionalism. It’s alarming and inspiring. She helped me get rid of a lot of my Method-actor pretensions—she said, ‘Let’s do the assignment and we’ll amount it out.’ It was a alarming thing, but she fabricated me feel ‘I’m a able fucking actor—I can do this.’ “


Theron wants me to see the two trophies on her desk.

“This is so you can see what I absolutely acquisition important in my life—this is my Victoria’s Secret What Is Sexy? award, and that’s my Victoria’s Secret What Is Sexy? award—two years in a row. Sexiest Actress, Sexiest Legs. Oscar, shmoscar. That’s why we accept bottle desks, as well—so I can see my abundant legs.”

Where’s Oscar?

“My Oscar’s in my house.”

Is it displayed?

“Yeah, it’s displayed. I’m actual appreciative of it. We couldn’t advertise that cine to save our lives—we were activity to assurance a accord to aloof absolution it on video. A lot of bodies didn’t appetite to buy in to how alarming her adventure was. ‘You can’t do that’ is all I kept audition aback we were editing. But what if that’s the truth? You should be able to acquaint her adventure as a animal actuality with all her flaws. You should be able to do that.

“People accord in. They end up with a cine that’s not the cine they set out to go and make. Bodies buckle. Not that we had any arena to angle on, but we never buckled. We believed that we had formed adamantine abundant to acquire some affectionate of understanding. That’s commodity that’s actual rare. Actual rare. That was shit-scary, to advance that abundant time and go, I’d rather aloof assurance this off to Blockbuster alive it’s the cine we set out to make. None of us got paid. We formed our assurance off. This should be the prize.”

Sean Penn won his aboriginal Oscar—for Mystic River—on the aforementioned night as Theron, in 2004.Who knew?

“We’ve been accompany for twenty years. He was married, I was in a abiding relationship, our spouses—not regularly, but we were in anniversary other’s lives. I anticipate our accord stemmed from alternate respect—more on my end, because I real-ly didn’t accept a anatomy of assignment twenty years ago, but my adulation and affection for authoritative films—that was our accepted ground. And also, Sean admired to accept conversations alfresco of aloof authoritative movies. That’s sometimes adamantine to acquisition amid accompany here, and that’s area our accord absolutely blossomed.

“A lot of bodies appetite to acquaint you the acknowledgment to analytic all of Africa’s problems from what they’ve apparent on CNN. Sean is not that guy. Aback he started animate in Haiti and I started animate on the AIDS advanced in South Africa, we spent a lot of time talking about those worlds. I anticipate that for both of us there was never a moment area we anticipation that this—what we accept today—would anytime alike be a possibility. Evereverever. I anticipate we’re both award ourselves at this moment in our lives affectionate of shocked. Both of us. Aloof aback you anticipate you apperceive how things are declared to go down, activity aloof bliss you in the ass and assumption what? You don’t accept a clue.

“It is nice to be in commodity area the accord came first. I’ve never had that. There’s a weight to the accord already that I don’t anticipate you accept aback you aloof accommodated somebody and access a relationship. There’s a foundation of twenty years that the two of us accept aggregate with anniversary added in all these adapted agency that is absolutely the foundation of commodity that has brought a lot of admirable things into my life.

“We get so ashore in absent to adumbrate the approaching that we balloon the moment that we’re in. And the moment that we’re in is aloof absolutely good. It’s absolutely good, absolutely nice. The alliance affair is consistently so aberrant to me anyway. I adulation the achievability of anything, but I’m absolutely adequate myself and the accustomed moment and how that coincides with my son and my activity and my friends. I’m a very, very, actual advantageous girl. Actual lucky.”

Plus, he’s accessible on the eyes. Although he’s accepting . . . craggy.

“He’s hot. He is hot. How do you say that in an interview? You’re a forty-year-old woman aural like a sixteen-year-old. There’s commodity admirable about that, but you abridgement the delivery of absolutely adage what it’s like aback somebody walks into your activity and makes you see commodity that you absolutely never anticipation you’d be able to see. If somebody had said to me, ‘This is what it will be,’ I would’ve said, ‘Fuck off.’ As you can see, it makes me smile.”

She’s smiling, and she’s yawning. Yoga was a continued time ago. She attentive gives me a lift to my car—Sunset at blitz hour is hell. And she drives able-bodied and she knows the turf.

Thanks for today, Charlize.

“We had a fuckin’ amazing day, Scott—that’s what I think. Now explain to me area your car is.”

The red Ford Flex, adverse the smog.

“Let me get out and accord you a hug.”

Nice is nice. I shut my eyes and anticipate of Gay Talese.

She coughed and she was gone.

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Due to an alteration error, this commodity has been hardly adapted from the adaptation that appears in the May 2015 issue.

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